“There is a crack in everything.
That’s how the light gets in.”
~ Leonard Cohen

December 2020. What a year it has been. 

From unprecedented wildfires to a global pandemic and the resulting economic and social uncertainties: we’ve been on a quite a ride. For some this ride was smoother than for others. And for many — too many — 2020 has been a fatal year. There has been a deep sense of loss for so many human beings this year. As a result, this time of long nights and the wait for the return of the light, may be more difficult this year for many. 

I love the winter months, especially December and January, when the shift from light to darkness and back to light again becomes more noticeable with every proceeding day. November with its grey days and ever earlier nights always has had a sobering energy for me. But then by mid-December something usually shifts. Part of if may be the anticipation of some time off, time with friends and family, with lights and song and celebration. But part of it is the actual experience of the light shifting. 

The nights in December are often clearer than they are in November: less cloud cover, a brilliance in the quality of the air because of the crisp coldness; and then on December 21: the Longest Night, Teh Winter Solstice! After that come a few days when the each night feels as long as the one before. But just around the last week of December I can sense the shift back to the light, the nights becoming shorter again – just a tiny bit, but enough to be noticeable. 

Many of the world’s happier traditional holidays are in the winter months and I think that has to do with that return of the light. In the past, there would have been practical reasons for that celebration for everyone: warmer days and increasing light bring with them spring and a new opportunity to plant, grow, survive. But there also were emotional and spiritual reasons for that celebration of light. 

During the dark winter months the sense of isolation and disconnection from others would have grown for many people who lived isolated on their farms and in their huts. Before mass transportation, people were thrown back more often onto themselves during these months, onto their own feelings and behaviours, their thoughts and doubts, their fears and hopes. Faith, the light of the knowledge of something beyond themselves, would have been the only light some people had left during these long, dark days of winter. 

Of course nowadays we are no longer limited to our dark homes when the sun sinks earlier in winter months. But that sense of isolation and (involuntary) contemplation hasn’t vanished. It just went inside us. Now, some people speak of the winter of the soul or the dark night of the soul when these feelings of fear, isolation, and confusion are taking a hold of a person, no matter what season it may be in the world outside. Electric light, easy transportation, and then communication techniques, have made us independent of Mother Nature – in this area of life, too. Unfortunately, this means that those who find themselves in a winter of the soul also have to find their own way out. They can’t rely on the sun simply shining a bit longer every day. That, I think, is a lot of the work we do in psychotherapy: helping people to find back to their light. 

Similar to our hearing picking up more sounds when we are sitting in a completely dark room, our subconscious starts to pick up on all the little things that it usually simply doesn’t see when we find ourselves in the isolation (and relative darkness) of our ‘Selves’. That can be enriching, for sure – but it is rarely comfortable and fun; and so, we usually search for distractions. We switch on the light, start up the computer or pick up the phone, we hop in the car or a plane – and we are instantly connected and distracted. At least we were, until 2020 happened. 

This past year has created something of a global experience of a winter of the soul. People all over the globe have been isolated in their own homes, with their own families – sometimes for months. All those little things that we had been able to ignore by keeping busy… they came to the forefront, made sure we took a look at them. Relationships were put to the test. Our own believes about ourselves were, too. Lifestyle choices had to be reviewed and corrected. For some this resulted in positive and lasting change: better work-life rhythms, deepened relationships with themselves and others, a new awareness of what is really important to them. For others… not so much. Life itself kept throwing them curve balls, their health deteriorated, they lost people close to them or connections that had given them stability. There is no doubt that this year has been a year of loss for way too many people. It also has been a year of awakening to what is really important to each one of us. 

So what to do at the end of this year that was a global winter of the soul? I don’t really know. Of course, there is hoping for the sun to come up again. But do we know if we are in November or in February? Maybe what we can do, right now, is to do what all the celebrations of the winter months have taught us all along: 

• Remember that we are connected, no matter how far or close those we connect to are right now. Sometimes, connection happens in conversations, real conversations. Sometimes it happens in a written letter or a short note that simply says “I think of you”. Taking the time to send those notes is part of staying connected. 
• Celebrate that there is light and beauty and goodness in the world. We can go and look for it, and we can even try to add to it. Each little deed from the heart, each kind thought and word, each smile and laughter, each act of love and care adds to that light, that beauty, that goodness. We all have it in us to share some of those with the world. 
• Reach out to whatever we experience as the Other more consciously. For those who carry a specific faith, this Other may be their God / Goddess. For others it may be something more general such as the Divine or Spirit. But even those who don’t carry any faith or connection with a divine energy, there is an Other: Life itself, our fellow human beings, our humanity, our connectedness with all other living beings. 
• Connect to ourselves. Listen to our fears and doubts and engage with them, ask them what we need to shift in order to soothe them. And connect to our hopes and dreams, give them some more substance, and start the work of creating a foundation for them so that they may flourish when the light is back. 

We do not know what 2021 will bring. Of course I, like most others, hope for a much better and easier year than the one we just had, and that hope is important. But hope alone won’t move us forward. Hope is like a candle in the dark – it needs something to feed the flame. We have to provide that something, by actively choosing to work towards the light again. 

I wish you all a peaceful time for the turning of the years. May you find love and laughter, hope and joy at some point over the coming days and weeks. And may 2021 be the year that returns the light to your life and to all our lives.